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Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Meet "Literal Larry"

Dear Diary,

Did you notice that I highlighted the word "literally" in my post yesterday?  Good job, Diary.  I knew you had eagle eyes.

Diary, I would like to introduce you to "Literal Larry."

I call this guy "Literal Larry" because he feels that it is necessary to use the word "literally" in the most sentences possible.  His record, which is solely from the times I heard the word, is 13.  He said "literally" 13 times in one day.  That should be illegal.

The other thing this guy does is he qualifies everything before he starts talking.  For example, he and I are having a conversation about some numbers.  Obviously, we are brain storming and none of the numbers are real.  "Literal Larry" feels that it is necessary to say something like, "I'm just making this up, but..."

Listen dude.  I'm not going to hold you accountable to a number if we are having a brain storming session.  It's okay to use a fake mortgage balance of $100,000 instead of someone's real balance of something like $367,393.  It makes the math easier to use nice, round numbers.

One day I'm going to throw his words right back at him.  I'm thinking something along the lines of, "I'm just making this up, but I literally want to kill you and bury you in a shallow grave if you say the word 'literally' again."

Of course, I'm joking.  :)  But seriously.  :|  Stop it.  One day "Peet's Matt" might get a hold of you.  And if that happens then you'll be the feature clip on "When Animals Attack: Part 29."
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