What am I Doing?

Monday, June 23, 2008

Trippin' on Taco Bell

Dear Diary,

Last week I went to Taco Bell for lunch and I did something I rarely, ever do.  I changed my order.  I'm a guy that when he knows something works he sticks to it.  My Taco Bell order has not changed in 5+ years, but for some reason I changed it.  The result?  I was trippin' on Taco Bell.

I'm not a scientist, but I do play one on TV.  And I think my experience is attributable to the new menu items I ordered.  Either they had "special mushrooms" in it or I was poisoned by the salmonella outbreak in the tomatoes.  Below is a list of the things I noticed:

1) The music was quiet.  Normally this Taco Bell likes to blast the music.

2) A guy walked in with a girl hanging all over him.  They were being all schmoopy with each other.  The reason why I was watching this guy is because he looked exactly like me, but he was FAT!  A scary sight.  I got down on the ground and did a few crunches for good measure.

3) I saw the world's ultimate wedgie.  This woman's jeans were so tight I could not see a single thread of fabric where her seam should have been.  Take a look at this picture.  You see that seam there (inside the yellow box)?  It was completely engulfed by her fleshy seat cushions.  And you're eating lunch at Taco Bell?  I got down again, but this time I did some glut squats.

4) A woman brought in a Diet Coke can to Taco Bell.  What!?!  That's heresy.  Taco Bell is a Pepsi only environment.  Get that trash out of here.

5) Sitting in a booth, I eat my lunch.  The booth in front of me was empty until a guy sat down.  What's weird though is he sat down facing me.  Everytime I looked up from taking a bite of food we would lock eyes.  Creepy.  Who sits in a booth facing the person next to you?  Every bite of my burrito felt awkward.

And there you have it Diary.  My trippin' Taco Bell lunch.  I don't know if I can handle another lunch like that.  My mind absorbed everything I saw and heard.  I'm going to switch back to my normal menu items next item.

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