Friday Funtastic Funtime Happy Hour

Dear Diary,

I'M "PEET'S MATT!"[?]  I LOVE PEET'S COFFEE!

Observation.  I have so much energy I parked my car on the freeway and ran the rest of the way to work.

Observation.  I can't feel my fingers and toes.

Observation.  Oh, look at me.  I'm a big, tough man because I put giant holes in my ear lobes.  Oh, look at me.  I'm from Australia and I pretend to live in an Aboriginal village.

Observation.  When the real Matt sees a fat woman he keeps walking.  When "Peet's Matt" sees a fat woman he asks, "When is your baby due?"

Observation.  I think I just pooped my pants.

Signed,
"Peet's Matt"

P.S. Don't tell the real Matt I wrote this.

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