What am I Doing?

Friday, November 30, 2007

Friday Fun

Dear Diary,

I'm totally digging this music video right now.  Happy Friday!  Oh, and here's a tip for driving in the rain today.

The faster you drive the sooner you can get home and be off the road.  It's dangerous out there.  Be careful and get home as fast as you can.


Thursday, November 29, 2007

Power Tie

Dear Diary,

Spongebob Tie
(Click to Enlarge)

Today I'm wearing my power tie.  This'll definitely make me a high power executive one day.  Also, I'm wearing Christmas-themed Spongebob Squarepants boxers.

No, I'm not going to show you.  If you show me yours, then I'll show you mine.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Intra Entry: Too Much?

Dear Diary,

Plenty of Food
(Click to enlarge)

I'm back from Costco.  Look at all the great stuff I got.  If I ever get trapped inside my office I'll have plenty of food to survive for a month.

Do You Hear Something?

Dear Diary,

When you walk through the main entrance to [...BEEP...] you are greeted by a beautiful atrium with ceilings reaching the third floor.  Greenery (i.e., trees, shrubs, etc.) are everywhere.  Marble floors transition into two large waterfalls, which cascade down to a parking structure on the lower level.

With Christmas approaching, the atrium has been decorated with lights and other ornaments.  The security guard console is also decorated with lights, and they took things one step further.  They have classical Christmas music playing over two small speakers.

It's lovely to listen to, but it's also awkward laying my head on the desk so I can hear the music.  You see, the two waterfalls are loud and the atrium echoes continually with noises of water; making it difficult to hear the music clearly.

It's funny, when I'm not listening to the music with my head on the desk, to watch people look around trying to figure out if they hear music playing.  It keeps me entertained when I need a break from work.  In fact, I think I'll go now...

See you later, Diary.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Intra Entry: "Firestarter"

Dear Diary,

How surprised would you be if I told you "Firestarter" corrected me again in front of people about something trivial and irrelevant to the conversation?  Not very, huh?

SERRENITY NOW...SERRENITY now...serrenity now...I'm calm now.

Sad Leftovers

Dear Diary,

Now this is sad.  Someone brought frozen Turkey sausage patties as Thanksgiving leftovers to [...BEEP...].

C'mon people.  Let's not resort to this.  That's fake, nasty, gross and down right wrong.

P.S. That's Mattrix's hot, sexy thumb in the photo if you were wondering.  Grrr.



Monday, November 26, 2007

Intra Entry: Kids Sick

Dear Diary,

RE: Out Sick.

1) Jonathan had a bad ear infection and a molar pushing through his gums.
2) Kayley was throwing up and had the trots.
3) Nicholas did not have an ear infection like we thought, but he still had a bad head cold.

What a Wednesday.  I cancelled Thanksgiving in Fresno, but Mrs. Mattrix-in-Law was sad and said to come anyway.  Besides Kayley being on the couch dead all weekend we had a good time.  The boys were full of meds and put on a great "We're not sick" peformance.

A La Michael Scott

Dear Diary,

I was in a meeting this morning and we were talking about delinquencies, foreclosures, yaddi yaddi yaddda.  And then, all of a sudden, I find myself choking, nearly dying from trying not to laugh and spit coffee out of my mouth.

I don't remember who said it or for what reason, but someone said, "That's what she said," and I nearly lost it.  I've never heard those words spoken in a meeting before today.  I am a fan of The Office and that phrase has forever changed me.

What a great way to start the Monday after Thanksgiving.  Thank you Michael Scott.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Out Sick

Dear Diary,

I won't be in today.  I have three sick children and one broken water heater.  I'm hoping this doesn't blow our plans to go to Fresno for Thanksgiving.  Stay tuned....



Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Intra Entry: Color Choices

Intra Entry: Color Choices
Originally uploaded by mattrix19

I'm not feeling very confident in my color coordination choices today.

Will Work for Gas

Dear Diary,

Sorry I'm late.  I had car trouble this morning on the freeway.  For the first time in my 15-year driving career, I ran out of gas.  Fortunately, I managed to drop off "CB Ty" before it happened.  Two minutes after that, on the freeway, I felt the engine shake and poof, I was stuck.

I sat in denial for a few minutes on the side of the freeway next to a call box.  I didn't get out right away to call for help because I was too embarrassed to explain why I was calling.

The most embarrassing part, though, was having to call work and explain why I was going to be late.  "Wall Knocker" made sure I felt embarrassed; he was laughing hard.

On the bright side, I managed to stay busy while I was waiting for the Freeway Service Patrol.  I collected some nice pieces of firewood.  So I got that going for me, which is nice.

[CLICK x1][?]

Embarrassing Moment Counter Total: 4

Thursday, November 15, 2007

When "Peet's Matt" Met "CCL"

Dear Diary,

I heard that "Peet's Matt" showed up yesterday afternoon.  Would you like to hear what happened?

"CCL" moved in late during the morning and I did not get a chance to chat with her until after lunch, hence "Peet's Matt" showed up.  "CCL" not wanting to disturb how quiet we are on our side, literally whispered every time she talked to someone.

Finding that very amusing, I had fun with "CCL's" whispering.  Imagine "CCL" whispering and then, when I spoke, "Peet's Matt" shouting.  It was so hard to keep a straight face.  Here's a snippet of our conversation.

"CCL" [Whispering]: It's nice over here.  I like how quiet it is.  I don't want to be too much of a disturbance, hopefully you guys won't notice me.

"Peet's Matt" [Shouting]: Don't worry, you won't bother us.  We are quiet over here, but we don't mind a little noise now and then.

"Peet's Matt" is so unpredictable.  I don't know what Peet's puts in their coffee, but that super-caffeinated coffee really gets me going.  I also think it turns off my "what-not-to-say-and-do" filter.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Intra Entry: Peet's Matt Says Hello

Dear Diary,

Hello Diary.  It's "Peet's Matt."  I've given Mattrix the rest of the day off.  I'll be driving the ship for the remainder of the afternoon.  First.  Where is this "CCL" lady.  I need to give her a "Peet's Matt" hello.

I feel the urge to imitate people...trying...not...to be...Johnny H.

Heidi the "CFO" Reincarnated

Dear Diary,

Bad news.  The empty cubicle outside my office is no more.  Someone will be moving in today and I am sad to report it's not good.  "CCL" (pronounced: Cecil) is going to be sitting there.  "CCL" stands for "Crazy Coffee Lady."

Once again [...BEEP...] puts the freak show stars in important jobs; "CCL" works for quality control's documentation group.  Oh great!  So the woman that is obsessed with hair dye and reads In Touch magazine every day gets to sit outside my office.

I suppose you want to know where the nickname came from.  I first met "CCL" in the kitchen months ago when I started working for [...BEEP...].  I was making coffee and moved a large pot of coffee to the counter with one hand.  She saw me and said, "Wow, you must be strong to do that with on hand."  I looked at her and said, "Not really, I'm using the handle."

Another time, I was washing my star ice cubes and she was making the coffee that morning.  To get to the coffee brewer she had to go around me.  She said, "Don't mind me I'm going behind you to make coffee."  I was fine with that, but then she did a little dance and spun around as she walked behind me and said, "Look at us!  We're dancin'."

That's when I knew that this lady was crazy.  I'm going to try to be positive about this.  By her sitting outside my office I think I might be able to get some great Dear Diary material.  Currently, I equate "CCL" to the original crazy lady that started this Diary; Heidi the "CFO".  And for the 11th Floor-ees that knew Heidi, they know that she was a cornucopia of diary entries.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

It Used to be a Small World

Dear Diary,

Did you enjoy the music video I put up for you?  Hopefully that kept you entertained during the weekend.  The Mattrix family had a fun time at Legoland.  I was able to get some cool Spongebob Squarepants Lego magnets.  And if you know me, I love me some Spongebob.

I drove into work this morning with "CB Ty."  That stands for "Carpool Buddy Ty."  He mentioned that Disneyland shut down the ride "It's a Small World" because it is undergoing "renovations."  I put renovations in quotes because the L.A. Times has an article saying that the real reason its shut down is because, on average, American men and women are 25 pounds heavier today than they were in 1960s.

That's absurd.  I'm totally on Disney's side.  They need extra time to take down the Christmas lights they put up each year, and the ride needs a little maintenance.


Oh, gotta go.  My cinnamon rolls are done heating in the microwave.

Friday, November 9, 2007

Friday Fun

Dear Diary,

While the Mattrix family is at Legoland you can enjoy this music video mashup.  This mashup is of Tron and Depeche Mode from Justin Alt.  It is both futuristic and nostalgic.  Enjoy.

(Can't see the video?  Click here.)


Thursday, November 8, 2007

Intra Entry: Cat Nap

Dear Diary,

A funny thing just happened.  I tried to go take a cat nap in my car.  I spent a minute looking for my keys and then I said outloud (no joke): "Oh man, I forgot my keys.  How am I going to get home?"

Uh, duh, Mattrix... you didn't drive today.  What a total "stupid moment of the day" that was.  I feel like a goober.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Make up Your Mind for "Peet's Matt" Sake

Dear Diary,

I don't get it.  What do females want?  Right when I think I'm doing my job the way my boss wants, she switches things up on me.  Is it because I'm a bad employee and I'm walking around with my calculator up my you-know-what?  Or is it because I work for a female and she can't make up her mind?  It's got to be one of the two and I need to figure out which it is.  Because if I don't, "Peet's Matt" will show up one day and solve the problem in a not-so-professional manner.

My job at [...BEEP...] is to spit out a bunch of reports about our mortgage portfolio.  I don't like the format of a lot of the existing reports so I've begun trying to change the format.  Recently, I tried to make a PowerPoint presentation and my boss shot it down like a helpless duck flying over a pond.

She said she didn't like it because the slides do not allow room for enough information.  She's been working at [...BEEP...] for 17 years and I have been here a whopping 5 months.  So I took her advice and went back to my "information overload" format.

Today, I get an e-mail that says, "These are great reports.  Can you prepare similar charts for us?"  I open the attachment and what do I see?  A presentation by Washington Mutual that is basically a PowerPoint presentation.  What!?!  But, but, but didn't you say...?

Aw, forget it.

Monday, November 5, 2007

Intra Entry: "Firestarter" vs. Mattrix

Dear Diary,

I just verbally yelled at "Firestarter."  She pointed out a mistake I made, I tried to admit she was right and explain what I did wrong.  But she kept driving the nail into my hand trying to crucify me even more.

She was not giving me a chance to explain what I did wrong; and I lost it...in a professional manner though.  I have to admit, it felt good.

Blue Flame

Dear Diary,

Click for the definition of 'Blue Flame.'Before I get started I would like to state the obvious.  The embarrassing moment I am about to share with you has probably happened to others.  We're all human and we all have, uh-hum, gas.

Part of my lower-the-cholesterol/help-the-pocket-book plan includes eating oatmeal, raisins and dried apricots for lunch at work.  It's not an elegant meal, but it fills me up until dinner time.  Unfortunately, there are side effects as evidenced by this entry.  You could probably call me Big Brother's version of "Chicken George" at [...BEEP...][?].

Last week I ate my meal and an hour or so later I needed to go to the restroom to relieve some "pressure."  I was about to leave when two co-workers cornered me in my office to talk about something.

In my head I say, "Oh crap, this is not good."  I go back to sit on my chair hoping that, if needed, I can muffle the "pressure" with the seat of the chair.  Not much later I realize that the "pressure" was not going to be as the saying goes: "silent, but violent."  This thing was going to come out: "loud and proud."

Sitting down wasn't going to work, so I resorted to standing up.  My new logic was that if I stood up and swayed back and forth I could disorient the "pressure" and it would not be able to find its exit route.  Noticing that my co-workers were looking at me funny, I said, "Sorry, I'm listening, but I'm also waiting for this report to finish running."  We all know, Diary, that this is a lie; and, most likely, they did too because it was obvious I was not running a report.  My e-mail program, Outlook, was open on the screen.

RainManSo, I'm swaying back and forth like Raymond from Rain Main.  And in my head I'm saying, "Uh oh, uh oh.  Definitely have gas.  Yeah, I definitely have gas."

Realizing that I am about to lose this internal battle between me and the "pressure."  I resort to a "conversation killer."  I don't remember what I said, but it worked.  I managed to end the conversation, waited 'til they left my office and then ran out of the door and down the hall.  I'm certain they saw me and because of that (and the swaying) I am clicking the Embarrassing Moment Counter.

[CLICK x1][?]

Embarrassing Moment Counter Total: 3


Friday, November 2, 2007

Friday Fun

Dear Diary,

This is one of the coolest guns in the world.  I wonder if I could find one of these at Costco.

(Can't see the video?  Click here.)

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Post Halloween Commentary

Dear Diary,

Good morning.  I hope you had a fun time last night.  You looked like you did.  I thought you looked great in the costume I put you in, the Indianapolis Colts' playbook.  I know that has always been a dream of yours; to be a playbook for a professional sports team.

This morning I thought it would be fun to provide some post Halloween commentary.

Mattrix & Family

  • Jonathan (6 yrs.) was a clone trooper
  • Kayley (4 yrs.) was Cinderella, and
  • Nicholas (19 mos.) was the stereotypical toddler pumpkin.
Nicholas was fun to watch because it took us two months to get him used to the costume.  When we first bought it and put it on, he screamed bloody murder every time.  After shock therapy and some fishy crackers we finally got him to wear the pumpkin costume for Halloween.

Dear Diary Friends
General Commentary
And now for some general commentary about society.  I noticed four things and would like to share them with you.
  • To the "sexy" Little Red Riding Hoods: You weren't sexy.

    Yesterday, someone at [...BEEP...][?] was dressed as a "sexy" little red riding hood and probably should not have been.  Listen.  I'll be one of the first to admit that I'm no sexy beast and so, for that reason, you'll never see me dressed as "Pablo" the sexy cabana boy in a Speedo.

    The rule that applies to wearing spandex also applies to wearing sexy Halloween costumes .  "Wearing spandex is a privilege, not a right."

  • To the fashion challenged: Learn how to dress.

    Were you wearing a costume last night?  If I have to think about it, then you did something wrong.  It should be obvious that you are wearing a costume.  Wearing all black and painting your face ghostly white is not a costume.  It's called being Goth.

  • To "clean cut" man: Well done.

    Now, let's see if you can keep that up for the other 364 days of the year.  The one day you decide to shower and shave should not be the same day as Halloween.  Showering and shaving is not a costume, it's called hygiene.

  • Lastly, to "Dog Lady": Stop it!

    It's a dog, not a person.  You were so worried about dressing your dog you forgot to put on your costume.  The dog has no idea he's wearing a costume and I'm pretty sure he does not enjoy wearing it.  All he's worried about is: how am I going to be able to lick myself with these stupid sun glasses on.