Friday Funtastic Funtime Happy Hour

Dear Diary,

I'M "PEET'S MATT!"[?]  I LOVE PEET'S COFFEE!

Observation.  I have so much energy I parked my car on the freeway and ran the rest of the way to work.

Observation.  I can't feel my fingers and toes.

Observation.  Oh, look at me.  I'm a big, tough man because I put giant holes in my ear lobes.  Oh, look at me.  I'm from Australia and I pretend to live in an Aboriginal village.

Observation.  When the real Matt sees a fat woman he keeps walking.  When "Peet's Matt" sees a fat woman he asks, "When is your baby due?"

Observation.  I think I just pooped my pants.

Signed,
"Peet's Matt"

P.S. Don't tell the real Matt I wrote this.

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Peet's Matt Hit List

Dear Diary,

A long time ago I created a "Peet's Matt"[?] Hit List.  "Wall Knocker"[?] was bugging me and he was the first to go up as a victim, err, target.  I'm writing today to report that last week "Peet's Matt" struck with full force and got "Wall Knocker" good.

For a refresher, re-read this post that originally got "Wall Knocker" on my list.

Background Information.  "Wall Knocker's" last name is Shin.

The Scene.  Five of us are in "Cryor's"[?] office looking at some SQL code and trying to figure out some protocols and procedures.  We were considering using Data Transformation Services packages ("DTS") to move data between two different servers.  "Wall Knocker" asks, "what is DTS?"

Aha, I found an opportunity to strike.  I now know a weak point in his knowledge of SQL.  After bantering back and forth with others in the room "Wall Knocker" thinks he gets the concept of DTS.  That's when I decide to jump in and take a shot at the Hit List target.

Through the power of Peet's coffee I said, "It means Don't Touch Shin."

Boom!  Laughter erupts and I throw my hands up in the air claiming my first hit.  After a few minutes "Wall Knocker" gets that I have just paid him back for not sharing his SQL knowledge with me.

Order and balance has been restored.

[Updating Hit List]

Peet's Matt Hit List
1) "Wall Knocker"
2) "Cryor"
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When "Peet's Matt" Met "CCL"

Dear Diary,

I heard that "Peet's Matt" showed up yesterday afternoon.  Would you like to hear what happened?

"CCL" moved in late during the morning and I did not get a chance to chat with her until after lunch, hence "Peet's Matt" showed up.  "CCL" not wanting to disturb how quiet we are on our side, literally whispered every time she talked to someone.

Finding that very amusing, I had fun with "CCL's" whispering.  Imagine "CCL" whispering and then, when I spoke, "Peet's Matt" shouting.  It was so hard to keep a straight face.  Here's a snippet of our conversation.

"CCL" [Whispering]: It's nice over here.  I like how quiet it is.  I don't want to be too much of a disturbance, hopefully you guys won't notice me.

"Peet's Matt" [Shouting]: Don't worry, you won't bother us.  We are quiet over here, but we don't mind a little noise now and then.

"Peet's Matt" is so unpredictable.  I don't know what Peet's puts in their coffee, but that super-caffeinated coffee really gets me going.  I also think it turns off my "what-not-to-say-and-do" filter.
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