Blue Flame

Dear Diary,

Before I get started I would like to state the obvious.  The embarrassing moment I am about to share with you has probably happened to others.  We're all human and we all have, uh-hum, gas.

Part of my lower-the-cholesterol/help-the-pocket-book plan includes eating oatmeal, raisins and dried apricots for lunch at work.  It's not an elegant meal, but it fills me up until dinner time.  Unfortunately, there are side effects as evidenced by this entry.  You could probably call me Big Brother's version of "Chicken George" at [...BEEP...][?].

Last week I ate my meal and an hour or so later I needed to go to the restroom to relieve some "pressure."  I was about to leave when two co-workers cornered me in my office to talk about something.

In my head I say, "Oh crap, this is not good."  I go back to sit on my chair hoping that, if needed, I can muffle the "pressure" with the seat of the chair.  Not much later I realize that the "pressure" was not going to be as the saying goes: "silent, but violent."  This thing was going to come out: "loud and proud."

Sitting down wasn't going to work, so I resorted to standing up.  My new logic was that if I stood up and swayed back and forth I could disorient the "pressure" and it would not be able to find its exit route.  Noticing that my co-workers were looking at me funny, I said, "Sorry, I'm listening, but I'm also waiting for this report to finish running."  We all know, Diary, that this is a lie; and, most likely, they did too because it was obvious I was not running a report.  My e-mail program, Outlook, was open on the screen.

So, I'm swaying back and forth like Raymond from Rain Main.  And in my head I'm saying, "Uh oh, uh oh.  Definitely have gas.  Yeah, I definitely have gas."

Realizing that I am about to lose this internal battle between me and the "pressure."  I resort to a "conversation killer."  I don't remember what I said, but it worked.  I managed to end the conversation, waited 'til they left my office and then ran out of the door and down the hall.  I'm certain they saw me and because of that (and the swaying) I am clicking the Embarrassing Moment Counter.

[CLICK x1][?]

Embarrassing Moment Counter Total: 3

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