What am I Doing?

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Post Halloween Commentary

Dear Diary,

Good morning.  I hope you had a fun time last night.  You looked like you did.  I thought you looked great in the costume I put you in, the Indianapolis Colts' playbook.  I know that has always been a dream of yours; to be a playbook for a professional sports team.

This morning I thought it would be fun to provide some post Halloween commentary.

Mattrix & Family

  • Jonathan (6 yrs.) was a clone trooper
  • Kayley (4 yrs.) was Cinderella, and
  • Nicholas (19 mos.) was the stereotypical toddler pumpkin.
Nicholas was fun to watch because it took us two months to get him used to the costume.  When we first bought it and put it on, he screamed bloody murder every time.  After shock therapy and some fishy crackers we finally got him to wear the pumpkin costume for Halloween.

Dear Diary Friends
General Commentary
And now for some general commentary about society.  I noticed four things and would like to share them with you.
  • To the "sexy" Little Red Riding Hoods: You weren't sexy.

    Yesterday, someone at [...BEEP...][?] was dressed as a "sexy" little red riding hood and probably should not have been.  Listen.  I'll be one of the first to admit that I'm no sexy beast and so, for that reason, you'll never see me dressed as "Pablo" the sexy cabana boy in a Speedo.

    The rule that applies to wearing spandex also applies to wearing sexy Halloween costumes .  "Wearing spandex is a privilege, not a right."

  • To the fashion challenged: Learn how to dress.

    Were you wearing a costume last night?  If I have to think about it, then you did something wrong.  It should be obvious that you are wearing a costume.  Wearing all black and painting your face ghostly white is not a costume.  It's called being Goth.

  • To "clean cut" man: Well done.

    Now, let's see if you can keep that up for the other 364 days of the year.  The one day you decide to shower and shave should not be the same day as Halloween.  Showering and shaving is not a costume, it's called hygiene.

  • Lastly, to "Dog Lady": Stop it!

    It's a dog, not a person.  You were so worried about dressing your dog you forgot to put on your costume.  The dog has no idea he's wearing a costume and I'm pretty sure he does not enjoy wearing it.  All he's worried about is: how am I going to be able to lick myself with these stupid sun glasses on.


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