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Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Ode to Taco Bell

[Isaac Hayes Voice Over:]
Dear Diary,

Snap your fingers to the beat as Mattrix drops some smooth lines on your sultry pages.

[Mattrix Standing on Stage.  Speaks From his Heart... Unfiltered.]

Ode to Taco Bell
Written by Mattrix

Food.  Fun.  Fellowship.  These are the three most important ingredients in our relationship.  Without them we would be "lone reed[s], standing tall, waving boldly in the corrupt sands of commerce."  Yet we are NOT lone reeds.  We are two innocent entities seeking safety from the World's relentless brutalities.

You are my provider.
You were there for me as child when I ate your comida on TV trays and watched America's Funniest Home Videos (starring Bob Saget) on Sunday nights.

As an adult, you still offer me the sweet nectar of your re-fried beans.
Your soft, burrito bosom is a safe haven for my weary head.
Your speecy, spicy sauces awaken me.  Giving flight to a renewed spirit.
Your burden on my pocketbook is light and easy to bear.
Your stock ticker symbol is (YUM), which is funny because so is your food.

You are there for me when I need you.
The steadfast ringing of your bell guides me through the foggy smoggy banks of suburbia.  In return, I doff my hat to say, "Thank you."

You are compassionate and understanding when we have our differences.
When you play country music on the P.A. System you quickly apologize and admit you were wrong.

The majority of your workers "no habla ingles," but somehow you are able to prepare my order promptly and accurately (most of the time).

You once tried to poison me with E. Coli in the green onions and I, in return, tried to replace you with "the crazy chicken."  But true love brought us back together.  Which proves... distance does makes the heart grow fonder.  Which also reminds me, I probably don't say this enough to you Taco Bell, but, "I am loco for you."

I will always remember your pet chihuahua.  My heart continues to ache for you as I see you deal with his untimely death.  I am certain the drive-through customer did not mean to... well... you know.

Despite his death, "Yo quiero Taco Bell" remains true.  And, "out of the ashes of this tragedy, we shall rise to greet the dawning of a new era... in which [Mattrix] and [Taco Bell] come together, in a great and glorious future!"

I love you Taco Bell.  As long as you are open for business, I will always "think outside the bun."

[Lights Dim.  Small Tear Hits the Stage Floor.  Mattrix Walks off Stage.]

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1 comment:

Aaron & Sara Warren said...

Dear Fellow "You've Got Mail" lover & quoter - way to make me proud! I, too, have shed a tear.