Parental Advisory

Dear Diary,

That was wrong!  I feel dirty and violated; and it's all because of an e-mail.

My bosses secretary shared at our last staff meeting that her husband did really well in a competition the other weekend.  Being the new guy, I had no idea what type of competition that might have been.  She said she had pictures and could send some to me and I said, "Sure.  That'd be great."

Her e-mail said:

Here are a couple pics from [so-and-so's] NPC contest.  He was amazing!!

I have no clue what "NPC" stands for, so I'm thinking these pictures are going to be a cool action shot of him... I don't know... diving, catching, driving... who knows.

... I open the attachment and then...

BOOM!

I'm blinded with a baby oil-slicked, muscle machine smiling and looking straight (and perhaps longingly) into my eyes!

Furiously, I scrambled to close the picture, but I couldn't.  For some reason my hands no longer knew how to operate a mouse.  Implementing "Plan B", I pick up my computer monitor and start turning it around.  Stuff is now flying everywhere because I'm knocking over practically everything on my desk.

A few seconds later I manage to close the picture.  My office is a disaster now, but it was 100% worth it.  I would rather explain the disaster on my desk ("I was dusting") than having to explain why I'm looking at an oiled muscle man doing a half-curtsy.

Needless to say, I now know what "NPC" stands for... "Nipples, Pecks and Cheeks."
.