Entry #3 (11/21/2003)

Dear Diary,

I can't take it anymore! I've been trying to be a good neighbor, but it is not working. I need to vent to you. Are you ready for it? If I may, I would recommend that you use cardstock for this one. It's a bit tougher than your everyday paper thickness.

First, I need to work through some logic with you. My dear friend Heidi is working on watching her carb and protein intake. Kudoos to you girlfriend! Those tight pants won't get the best of you. Oh, and yes I do agree with you. The pants are only tight now because they were just washed. Don't you hate it when that happens? I sure do. In fact, I wish I could still where my official A-Team fan club t-shirt from when I was 10-years old, but I keep washing it and it just won't fit me the same anymore. Any ways, I digress. The other day I heard Heidi talking about whether or not she should eat a certain something for lunch because it had 5 more carbs/proteins or whatever than she should probably have. Why would she think about this so much, but yet she'll go outside and smoke a cigarette? I'm no nutritionist, but isn't smoking a little bit more dangerous than eating five more carbs? Call me crazy. Oh by the way I've got a great recipe for you Diary. Cyanide-laced grape juice goes down so-o-o-o-o smooth. Yummy! =)

THIS JUST IN!!! Important events will be happening soon. I've been told on good authority that Heidi may be purchasing a scientific calculator soon! Why do I mention this? Well, because it will be her first scientific calculator purchase ever! How dramatic. She has a final coming up soon and she needs to know if she'll need one or not. I truly believe that I just scooped all of the other news sources with this tidbit of information. Who cares about Wacko-Jacko. Heidi will be purchasing a scientific calculator! I predict Office Depot's stock will jump by at least 37 and ¾ percent by the end of the month.

All joking aside, though, I am currently constructing a rescue operation for Kathryn. She is being hit hard by the regime and I don't think that her ears will last any longer. If you know of anyone that is interested in this highly dangerous operation tell him or her to contact me. Oh, and mention that they'll need protective earplugs. It won't be pretty once we make it inside the drop zone. After all we might hear things like how pretty the new $20 bill is. I know Diary, I know. It scares me too.

Oh, how I wish that Bachelor Bob had picked me instead of Estella. I need to be swept away from this insanity!